If the devil were to write his beatitudes, they would probably go
something like this:

The Devil's Beatitudes


Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians - they are my best workers.

Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked - I can use them.

Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church -- they are my missionaries.

Blessed are the trouble makers -- they shall be called my children.

Blessed are the complainers - I'm all ears to them.

Blessed are those who are bored with the minister's mannerisms and mistakes -- for they get nothing out of his sermons.

Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church -- for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.

Blessed are those who gossip -- for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.

Blessed are those who are easily offended -- for they will soon get angry and quit.

Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry on God's work -- for they are my helpers.

Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister -- for he shall be with me forever.