If the devil were to write his beatitudes, they would probably go
something like this:
The Devil's Beatitudes
Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an
hour once a week with their fellow Christians - they are my best workers.
Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be
thanked - I can use them.
Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church -- they are my
Blessed are the trouble makers -- they shall be called my children.
Blessed are the complainers - I'm all ears to them.
Blessed are those who are bored with the minister's mannerisms and
mistakes -- for they get nothing out of his sermons.
Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own
church -- for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.
Blessed are those who gossip -- for they shall cause strife and
divisions that please me.
Blessed are those who are easily offended -- for they will soon get
angry and quit.
Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry on God's work --
for they are my helpers.
Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and
sister -- for he shall be with me forever.